


Happier

by wertdifferenz



Series: Songs of our hearts [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, M/M, POV Lance, Sad with a Happy Ending, a tiny bit of Langst, some hurt feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 08:30:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wertdifferenz/pseuds/wertdifferenz
Summary: Lance´s fucked up, and now he has to live with it.The worst thing to see after a break up probably was to watch the person you loved so much walk out of your life without hesitation.That’s just one of the thousand things that show you how much you had fucked up.The second worst thing would be the first time you see said beloved person again, even worse when you still loved them, even worse when they were with another man now. Smiling at him like he used to smile at you. Walking closely at his side like he used to walk with you.Looking happier with him than he’d ever looked with you.Exactly that was the scene Lance was seeing right now. It didn’t feel real, even less right.





	Happier

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Ed Sheeran - Happier. 
> 
> The series "Songs of our hearts" will contain multiple alone-standing stories inspired by songs.

He had fucked up.

Big time.

And now he had no chance to make it right again.

 

The worst thing to see after a break up probably was to watch the person you loved so much walk out of your life without hesitation. 

That’s just one of the thousand things that show you how much you had fucked up. 

The second worst thing would be the first time you see said beloved person again, even worse when you still loved them, even worse when they were with another man now. Smiling at him like he used to smile at you. Walking closely at his side like he used to walk with you. 

Looking happier with him than he’d ever looked with you.

Exactly that was the scene Lance was seeing right now. It didn’t feel real, even less right. 

And as much Lance hoped he was dreaming; he wasn’t. It was real.

The pain in his chest doubled after realizing that. 

 

That sight hunted Lance for the next few weeks. Without realizing it, he avoided certain places like the pest. 

The café where they had their first official date? He didn’t even think of going there. 

The bench in front of his favorite bakery where they had their first kiss? Nope, the bench and the bakery would probably never see Lance again.

The playground where Lance had bashfully declared his love to him, completely drunk but meaning it anyway? He had to leave fifteen minutes earlier for work to avoid that one, but he didn’t mind as long as it helped him forget.

The diner where Lance had explained his furious blushing boyfriend the next morning that he might regret the murderous headache, but not confessing his love to the other? Hunk had tried to coax him into that one, but after Lance had started to cry in public, he was so kind to choose another place for lunch.

The park where he had seen his now ex-boyfriend taking a walk with his newfound love? Oh, how he wished he could erase that place from his memory. But now it even hunted him in his dreams. 

 

His hair had gotten longer, and duller too. Well, he couldn’t blame anyone but himself. After stopping to care about his diet and forgoing his complete skin- and haircare routine, it was only a matter of time until pay back. Too bad he couldn’t leave his body messed up like his life, Allura would kill him for that. 

He wouldn’t blame her, it was bad for her company if her employees looked like shit.

Some change was due.

 

He was still not used to waking up in an empty bed. They hadn’t lived together, but he had spent almost every night at Lance’s place, even if it was farther away from his work. Now the wardrobe was half empty, the second pillow in his bed unneeded and the red coffee cup Lance had bought for him hidden behind a cereal box. 

His home felt not like a home anymore.

He was lonely.

 

It was starting to get warmer outside. It was that time of the year where you needed a thick coat in the morning and went home in a short sleeved shirt. Lance was sick of the dark sweater and shirts he used to wear for the past two months. It was time for a brighter color. 

After rummaging through his half empty wardrobe he found a light blue shirt in the back. Next to the blue shirt was a red one. That didn’t belong to him.

It belonged to _him_.

Lance took it out of the wardrobe and stared at it for a while. Unpleasant memories flooded his head. He shoved the shirt back into the depths of his closest and grabbed a black shirt. 

Light blue had to wait.

 

Like a video, just in his head, Lance played the previous encounter back and forth.

Since he was still avoiding his favorite café, he had taken the train to visit a shop Hunk had recommended before. It was small and seemed well established. Since all tables were occupied, he decided to simply take a coffee to go and drink it while walking home. 

After ordering he went to the back of the counter to wait for his drink. As he looked around the shop, his eyes fell on familiar indigo eyes, starring back at him. 

Oh, fuck.

 _He_ was there. 

And fuck. 

He was there with _him_.

And he looked back to him, speaking a few words, awaiting the hesitant nod before getting up and walking in Lance’s direction.

_Fuck._

Lance had barely enough time to get his shocked body under control, his thoughts were still a mess, mostly consisting of more swear words in several languages. 

But now was not the time to freak out. It was time to… time to…

Time to smile and hide the truth. Fake it till you make it. He could do that, right?

Keith arrived after a few short steps, a hesitant smile on his lips. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Lance mimicked. 

“How are you?”

Bad. Fucking awful. Helpless and lost. “I’m good, and you?”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I see. Well, I’m glad you’re happy.”

Keith hummed before his face turned to a frown. “You don’t seem happy though.”

Shit. Quiznak. Mierda. Merde. Scheiße. And a hundred other translations for ‘shit’, most of them made up, flew through Lance’s head instead of a proper response.

Why did he know Lance so well? Oh, right. Because they had loved each other for the last two years. 

Two years and three months for Lance.

“No no no. I am happy. For you at least. Not so much for me, but I guess I don’t have anything to say in that matter, because I was the one who fucked up.” Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you make a conversation with you ex uncomfortable. Time to recover. “Uhm, sorry. I mean, about talking about that. It’s not like I’m not sorry for fucking up, I’m really sorry for that too but uhm… I guess now is not a good time to talk about it.” Welp, bad recover. No recover at all, you just made it worse.

Abort mission. Retreat. Start to dig your own grave or at least try to find a nice rock you can tie to your leg before you throw yourself off the nearest bridge. There is no way to recover from that shit.

“Yeah, no. It isn’t.” 

“Sorry. I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. Especially in front of your date.”

Keith looked back at him, the frown deepening on his face. “Oh, we’re no-“

“Tall vanilla latte for Lance?” The barista screamed his order into Lance ear, giving him a free tinnitus to his coffee, and a great opportunity to get the fuck out as well. He accepted the drink with a small smile and turned back to Keith.

“I suppose you won’t drink your coffee here.” 

Correct. Even if there were a free seat, he’d rather run away than stay here. With them. But Lance didn’t have to shove that into his face.

“No, I still have a few commissions to finish, just needed a breather.” That was true, he had a shitload of work to do, but he hadn’t found motivation to even pick up a pen in the last three months. It was possible that he would get murdered by Allura for his work attitude. He could put ‘planning his funeral’ to his do-to list, right after ‘finding a nice rock’.

“Okay. Well, uhm… I’ll see you around?” Keith didn’t seem to want to see him around, and Lance voice wavered a bit. Hiding his true feelings was hard when you felt nothing but sadness. 

“Yeah, sure. See you.”

“See you.” Keith forced a smile before he returned to his table. Lance was out of the café before Keith had reached his chair.

The way home was longer than he’d thought, partly because he had to take a detour thanks to a certain playground. The sun was already setting when he reached his building, the coffee long gone and the cup dumped into a trashcan along the way. 

In the comfort of his home, Lance could finally admit to himself that he had totally fucked up todays encounter. First time actually talking to his ex and he couldn’t even shut his mouth in the right moment. Even worse that Keith still could see through him as if the protecting barrier around his heart was made of glass. 

It probably was. 

And seeing him had left some huge cracks in there. 

He grabbed a pen and sat down at his desk. Working sounded like a good distraction right now.

 

He made it!

Unbelievable!

Lance met with Allura and came through alive. He counted his fingers again, just to be sure, but all ten were there. 

Maybe Allura wasn’t a dragon in the skin of a beautiful maiden after all. Maybe she wasn’t angry with Lance for slacking off work. Or maybe she just pitied him enough to let him live another day.

Probably the last.

Didn’t matter though, because he finally had finished his last commission and was off work for the next two days. It was weekend after all.

 

He passed his happiness onto Hunk when they met for dinner, and smiled and laughed for the first time in… in a long time. Hunk was surprised by his sudden burst of real happiness too. He was glad to see his best friend laugh again. It has sure been a long time. Fake it till you make it didn’t work with Hunk either, so Lance had forgone his act in front of him after the first week.

Maybe he had healed a bit. Who knows, Lance had refused to talk about the break up at all, so Hunk wasn’t really up to date with his feelings. A nice, best-fried-only dinner and movie night was long overdue. 

 

Alcohol was evil.

Pure evil.

Bad for the body, bad for the brain… and bad for his bed.

The sheets were cold and wet, the whole room reeked of beer and… were that doritos under his pillow? An empty glass of guacamole on his nightstand amplified the assumption.

His stomach felt like the ocean, always moving and swirling around. Even thinking of it made him feel sick. His head felt worse, as if someone had used a jackhammer on his brain.

He was dehydrated and his face felt stiff. Wait a sec, had he cried?

A look in the mirror answered that question. Yes, he had cried.

Terrific way to start the morning.

His reflection stared back at him while he worked on a plan. His hangover wouldn’t let him move around too much without hurting or puking, and he didn’t like either. After a few seconds contemplating, he decided to clean up the mess he called body first and the mess in his room later. After a breakfast. And a shitload of coffee. 

A nice bath, some pain killers and the greasiest food he could make with the meager content of his fridge helped, so Lance got to work in his bedroom. The dizziness had faded after the second coffee and the headache started to vanish as well. Praise the drugs!

Six empty bottles of beer and one bottle of tequila landed in the trashcan, the empty glass guacamole too. Lance found a half-eaten pack of doritos in his closet, next to a traitorous red shirt that landed in the back again.

The new sheets helped fade the beer smell, the rest went away after airing the room until evening. It took almost an hour of vacuuming to get the dorito crumps out of the carpet, but Lance wanted to make sure he wouldn’t attract any ants. Or rats. 

Finally the room looked normal again. If only he could clean his feelings out like this. It would take a whole lot of denying to forget the pathetic drinking session that happened the night before. Or at least the reason for it.

 

To his own surprise, Lance had managed to pass the playground again. The sight of the swings made his heart ache, but at least he didn’t get teary. The café and bakery were still off-limits, but Hunk had gotten them some take out from the diner the week before and he actually enjoyed it. 

Crazy, right? 

 

The moment he didn’t feel hurt or numb most of the time anymore came somewhere between month four and five. Lance hadn’t dared to touch any alcohol after the last incident, partly because he didn’t want to sleep in beer sheets again, mostly because he didn’t want to feel so pathetic anymore.

His new drug was his work, and when Allura refused to get him new assignments because ‘you are overworking yourself, Lance, you need a break’ he opted to spend his free time with his friends. Mostly Hunk, because Pidge had a lot to do herself, and because she was close friends with Keith.

So, here he was, sitting in Hunk’s living room, chatting with Shay and waiting for the chef to finish his magic. He was starving, and the heavenly smell from the kitchen didn’t make it easy to concentrate on small talk. 

“So, Lance.” Shay started, and Lance focused his attention back on her. “How are things with Keith?”

Ouch. Bad topic. Shay seemed to realize that herself as she observed Lance’s smile disappear from his lips. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just thought you were over it after all this time.”

Well, Lance was far from being over it, but at least he managed to sound somewhat honest with his next words. “It’s fine, Shay. Really. I know it’s not fresh, I mean it’s far from being fresh, but it still hurts a lot, you know? Mostly because it was my fault.”

Shay took his hand and held it in a comforting manner. “I’m really sorry, Lance.”

“You don’t have to be. It’s okay.” And it somehow was. He had thought about it a lot, in fact the last few months he hadn’t thought of anything else. He knew what he did wrong, and he knew that he owed Keith a proper apology for his massive fuck up, but he came to terms with his feelings.

Their relationship was over. Keith was gone. Lance’s feelings weren’t, but he had accepted that long ago. Keith had moved on with someone new. 

Maybe it was time to move on himself…

 

Sometimes Lance looked back and was just glad he hadn’t managed to fuck up Keith’s happiness like he had fucked up his own.

 

“Hey.”

Jesus, if someone ever needed a heart attack, meeting your ex unexpectedly was a good start for that.

Lance turned around and set up a small smile for the person in front of him. Keith looked like always, same clothes, same hair, same beautiful eyes. Oops! Earth to Lance? We need you to focus right now, thanks.

“Hey, Keith. How are you?” He almost sounded not sad. Almost.

“Fine, and you?” He almost didn’t sound wary. Almost.

“Yeah, me too. Fancy meeting you here?” A good observation, indeed. Last time he checked, neither Keith’s apartment nor his workplace were anywhere near this café. Last time he checked was five months ago though, so that info could be a bit out dated.

“I could say the same to you, this is not exactly your neighborhood.” 

“Well, you’re not wrong, but it’s Allura’s and I owe her a lot of coffee, so here I am.”

Keith chuckled. Chuckled! Lance’s heart stopped again. He would need a defibrillator soon.

“What did you do this time?”

“I have to inform you that I have no clue why I owe her this one, but I won’t fight her for that either. I don’t want to lose my head.”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t believe you.”

“The ‘I didn’t do anything’ part or the ‘I will lose my head’ part.”

“The first one of course.”

“Fair enough, you know me too well for that.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your second lesson on ‘how to make a conversation awkward’. See the example above? Exactly, 10 points for execution, 11 for dumbness. 

Lance groaned internally, seriously? Five months and he was still an idiot. Time not to be an idiot.

“I… uhm… I actually wanted to apologize.”

Keith’s eyebrows shot up. “You do?”

“Yeah.”

He took a step back, looking wary. “About what?”

“About being an idiot.”

The wariness didn´t vanish, but a small smile appeared on Keith’s lips. “You have to elaborate that a bit.”

“Oh… uhm… yeah. I mean our last fight. I said some things I didn’t mean. Well, thinking back I didn’t mean anything I said that day. It was my insecurities speaking, and I know that isn’t a satisfying explanation, but the only one I have. I was an idiot for saying all that stuff back then and I can’t apologize enough for hurting you.” Keith stopped anything else he wanted to say with a single wave of his hand. 

“Okay, that’s enough elaboration. I can see you racked you brain with that.”

Lance looked away. He was still an open book for Keith. “Yeah, I did.”

“I accept your apology.”

Lance’s eyes widened. He expected a lot of things, but not that. He couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice. “Thanks.”

“But I’m still mad at you…”

He looked down. It was just too hard to meet Keith’s steady gaze like this. “Understandable.”

“…because you hurt me…”

“I know.”

“… and broke my heart…”

“I know.”

“…and all because you didn’t trust me enough and listened to your insecurities rather than me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“Okay, so-“ A stern glance from Keith made him shut up before he could apologize again. They looked at each other for a moment before letting out a little laugh. The whole conversation was just too weird. 

Keith sighed. “You look better now. Happier.”

A shaky smile appeared on Lance’s face. “Yeah.” It felt good to know that Keith didn´t hate him completely. “Speaking to you had helped a lot.”

 

 

BONUS (because I need a happy ending for my heart):

 

“So how is it with that guy going?” Lance asked. He didn’t really want to know, but he was curious anyway. Maybe he was a bit sadistic regarding his feelings towards Keith. Maybe he just wanted to punish himself a bit more.

“Which guy?” Keith tilted his head in confusion.

Lance faltered. Did he really want to know? “The one that was with you at the café when we met. You’re dating, right?”

Keith eyes widened. “Oh.” He smirked, looking way too smug for this kind of conversation. “Yeah. No. I tried to tell you before, in the café.” Keith made a pause, looking Lance directly in the eyes as to check if he was really listening. “We’re not dating.”

This time it was Lance’s turn to be perplexed. “You’re not? Why?” He stuttered out. 

Keith managed to look even more smug. He held one finger up, preparing Lance for a long explanation. “Well, first of all, he’s not into guys.”

“Oh.” Lance nodded.

“Second, I don’t like him like that anyway.”

“Oh… oh?”

“Third, I’m still not ready to date someone else.”

“Oh.” He looked at the ground. Lance knew it was his fault, and he felt ashamed.

“And last, because I still love you.”

“Oh.” His head whipped up.

_Oh._

_Oh!_

_OH!_

You could literally see the flatline of Lance’s heartbeat in his eyes. His whole body stopped working, including the brain. Not his heart, nor his lungs, or a single thought was spared from the sudden shock of Keith’s declaration. 

“That’s all you have to say?”

Jeez, Keith. Totally oblivious to Lance’s mental breakdown. Shoots someone with important news and expects a coherent answer right after. “Well, what do you want to hear?”

“An actual answer.”

See!

“Does ‘I love you too’ count as an actual answer?”

“It does.”

“Oh.”

There was a long pause. Keith probably gave him a few minutes to comprehend all this. It was a lot to think about, both knew it. Lance asked himself over and over again what this meant for the both of them. A tiny spark of hope fluttered inside of him. Maybe…

Keith spoke up before he could put his own thoughts into words. “Do you think you can work on your insecurities?” He didn’t sound scolding, but sincere and interested. Had he asked himself the same?

“Yes… Yes, I think so.” Lance was surprised how confident the words came out. But he was certain that he would go far lengths to get another chance with Keith. Thankfully, he wasn´t the only one who felt that way. 

“Okay, that’s good, because I want to work on our broken relationship.”

“You do?” Even with the hints before, it was still a bit surprising.

“I do. But I can’t do this if I can’t trust you, and you don’t trust me either.” Keith sounded impartial, as if this was a project rather than a relationship. Well, it kind of was. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” He nodded with each word, too stunned to think of anything else.

“And that’s why we will take it slow.”

“Ye-yeah, okay.”

“I don’t want to be hurt like that again.”

Lance looked down again, another wave of shame flushing over him. “Okay, yeah. I understand.”

“Okay. Good... okay.” Keith took a shaky breath. A smile appeared on his lips. “Don’t you have to bring Allura some coffee.”

“Fuck, you’re right.” Lance looked frantically at his phone. The last fifteen minutes had felt like seconds to him. “Shit, I’m late again. I’m gonna get killed.”

Keith rose an eyebrow, clearly amused over Lance’s destiny. “Then hurry up, will ya?”

“Yes, right. Uhm…”

Keith seemed to know what he wanted to say. Like usual. “I call you later, okay?”

Lance smiled relieved. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be waiting for you… I mean your call.” He was stuttering like on his first date. Thankfully, Keith didn’t seem to mind. He waved him off with a shooing motion. 

“Lance, shut up and move already.”

Lance smile turned wider. Right now he couldn´t be any happier. “Alright. Till later then.”

“Yeah, later.”

Keith flashed him one of his rare smiles, making Lance’s heart miss a beat or two. With a last look, he turned and run off with a small skip in his step.

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments mean the world to me, so please let me know what you think.
> 
> And in case you were wondering, here is [ my tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/wertdifferenz).


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